HOW MEN AND WOMEN DIFFER

NICKNAMES* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes

EATING OUT* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $50, even though it's only for $115.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale

BATHROOMS* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from Dischem.* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS* A woman has the last word in any argument.* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

CATS* Women love cats.* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret-fears and hopes and dreams.* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY* Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.