Happy Birthday

" A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again" ~Enid Bagnold

Today is my dad’s b’day; he is the rock of my life. Most kindest and generous person I ever known. By looking back it has being a very difficult, heartfelt journey . Having loosing his dad at very early age in life, he is determined to provide every thing he could to be the best dad to me. Being in a middle class in Sri Lanka, I would say we had a pretty comfortable life. My dad immigrated to Europe, when I was only three years of age. He missed twelve best years of my life; I wish he would have been there for my first day at school to hold hand and all the parent’s evenings I could have shown him off to my friends. I remember going to the air port once every year to pick him up and those limited thirty days how I got spoiled with his love. He would shower me with luxury presents and how I loved to listen to the stories he tells me about the places he visited in Europe.

Those were magical times I wish it would have lasted long and never had to end. But life’s reality is far from being fairy tales, I had to face the fact that he had to go for his job and get on with my life as usual. He made so many personal sacrifices and saved every penny has earned to give me the best education and the life he never had when he was growing up. When he was ready to come back to take over to be the dad again, I was dying to leave home to see the world. I know it must have being hard for him to imagine that his little girl has grown up and ready leave the nest he works so hard to build. But he approved my move silently; I think we both knew from our hearts that is no coming back. Since the day I left home, I didn’t go back when I finish my studies then it is time for me to start my career. Then there is my turn to start a family, I know you are still waiting dad, I wish we could turn back the time. I wanted you to know even though we live oceans apart I always think of you and love you very much and may you have a happy long life.

A Thought...........

"I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me."

Anna Quindlen Featured in Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach (Warner Books)

Today I woke up feeling tired… …It was a another cold rainy day in new jersey.. Hmm don’t feel like going to work, but don’t have much of a choice. Had to finish some work from yesterday, otherwise my boss will be on my back. I am not just tired from work, fed up with so predictable life. Eight hours a day…Monday to Friday at work, then the week end, end up quickly for cleaning and shopping…never really have time for my self ..i don’t mean going for a luxury holiday in a Caribbean islands ( I know it would be nice….) one day…just one day…..without any responsibilities and not feeling guilty about it. Hmm I spent half of my life trying to please every body else, lives up to their expectations….never really figured out that what makes me happy.

If I wake up tomorrow to a one million in my bank account, would that make me happy? That would of course buy me Aston martin, vineyard and a mansion with a lake front which I dreamed of….but is that it? Then again few months time I will get bored with that life too and end up blogging away my sadness. I realized it is not money that can make you satisfied…it is the change you need in life…change which can be done by you. It is the dreams and hopes keep you going in life, people you meet along the way and it is the path you enjoy not the destination.(I don’t wanted to be sounded like my spiritual guru now)

A million dollar question is….what can i do differently to change my life? Hmm…I am going to start with being nice to my husband and then I want to start saving up for a good cause this year. It is something; I always wanted to do when I was growing up in Sri Lanka. Go to a remote village and sponsor a child who does not have privileges for higher education. I mean to open a trust fund and so they can use that money to pay for tuitions fees e.t.c. hmmm back to earth again…. Ooops…It is almost time…..for me to rap up and get ready. Now I have something to work on for today, feeling better already -:) -:)