How to Handle a Cheating Girlfriend

There is more to life than living out the lyrics of a country and western song. If her cheatin' heart is more than you can stand, it is time for you to change your tune or face the music.

Think about the source of your suspicion. If you "heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another she's been messin' around," look for more reliable information.

Make sure that jealousy and insecurity are not making you falsely accuse someone you care about.

Trust your instincts. If you think that your girlfriend is cheating on you, then ask her. If her answer is, "Oh, no honey. Of course not! How could you even ask such a thing? You know I love you and only you (kiss-kiss)," but you simply don't believe her, make sure your mistrust is based on something you witness or experience.

Noticing a change in your relationship or her behavior would make your suspicion reasonable. Seeing her with someone else, who looks clearly to be more than a friend, is pretty solid evidence.

Consider your physical health and emotional well-being. Could she be putting you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases? Can you deal with being one of many?

Think about what you would tell a sibling or a best friend to do in your situation. Is fear keeping you from following your own advice?

Discuss your feelings with your girlfriend. Tell her how her cheating is affecting you. Explain what you're looking for in this relationship.

Listen to what she has to say. Her response to your concerns should give you the information you need to do what is right for you.

Inform your girlfriend of your decision, whether it is to forgive her and start over, have a brief separation while you figure out what to do, or part ways.

Tips: This does not have to get ugly. Wait until you are able to address this issue as rationally as possible. Regardless of her cheating, remember that you cared about her once, and you still may. You don't need to console her, but you will feel better about yourself if you take the high road.

Warnings: If she cheats on you once, shame on her! If she cheats on you twice or more, well, you know the rest.

Single and Sick of It?

"Why am I still single?" thousands of women ask DrPhil with looks of fear, desperation and hopelessness. Dr. Phil gets real about why they — and possibly you — are still flying solo.


Do an autopsy on your past relationships. Why didn't they work? Look at things honestly and learn from your mistakes.

Acknowledge what you own in a relationship. If you look at relationships that haven't worked, the common denominator is you! That means you own part of the problem. You create your own experience and control the choices you make. Your behavior and decisions have consequences. Take responsibility for them.

Be your authentic self. Your authentic self is who you are when you have no fear of judgment, or before the world starts pushing you around and telling you who you're supposed to be. Your fictional self is who you are when you have a social mask on to please everyone else — and it doesn't work if you're looking for a lasting relationship. Give yourself permission to be your authentic self.

Change your internal dialogue — what you're telling yourself in real time. You may be programming yourself for failure with negative thoughts. For example, if you call yourself a "freak magnet" while waiting for a blind date to show up, you're starting off with a negative internal message.

Take notice of your "tapes," which Dr. Phil compares to "elevator music," that constantly play in your head. Tapes can be even more insidious than your internal dialogue because they're so well rehearsed and ingrained. Evaluate a particular situation, rather than listening to your tapes and deciding ahead of time. For example, if you've told yourself that "all good men are taken," then you've labeled the man you're out with as "a leftover" before you've even gotten to know him! Your pre-determined beliefs, which you may not even be conscious of, can be destructive.

A common mistake of many single people is that they try to change themselves for the person they are dating. When you do that, you're not being true to who you are, and it will bite you in the rear.

If what you're doing isn't working, change it. Do something different. Don't be someone you're not, but have a broad range of who you are.

Decide what kind of person you're looking for and put yourself in a target-rich environment. If, for example, you're looking for a man who loves the outdoors, go there. And if you're not looking for a barfly, don't go to a bar to meet someone!

Only 7 percent of communication is verbal. For every thought you have, there's a physiological reaction. Become aware of the signals you are sending out. Desperation, for example, comes through in non-verbal communication.

Recognize that you don't have to be in a relationship to be whole. It is better to be happy alone than sick with someone else. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.

Don't put pressure on yourself. You don't have to be married. It's not required. Stop telling yourself you have to get a ring on your finger.

Are you available? Look at your life and ask yourself if you're leaving time to meet someone. Would someone have to throw himself on the hood of your car to cross paths with you and get your attention?

Don't act desperate. Send a message that you "want to" be in a relationship — not that you've "got to." Even if you hear your biological clock, it need not tick loudly enough for every eligible man to hear it!

Why women cry . . .

"Why are you crying?" he asked his mom.
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said.
His mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will.."

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could say...

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry...

Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the phone the man said,"GOD, why do women cry so easily?"

GOD said..When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort..

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children..

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining..

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly..

This same sensitivity helps her to make a child's boo-boo feel better and shares in their teenagers anxieties and fears..

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart..

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly..

I gave her a tear to shed, It's hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed. It's her only weakness.. It's a tear for mankind . . .

Stress Free in 10 minutes . . .

1. Do NothingAt least once during the day, take 5 - 10 minutes to sit quietly and do nothing. Focus on the sounds around you, your emotions and any tension in your neck, shoulders, arms, chest, etc.

2. Laugh Out Loud
Keep something handy that makes you laugh. It could be a collection of your favorite comic strips, or a funny eMail from, say, your child or a friend. You could even take a few moments to think watching your favorite comedy serial. Turn to this every so often during your day.

3. Tune InWhen you face a daunting task, play soothing music - be it classical, country or jazz. At work you can use the CD drive on your computer to keep the music at the ready.

4. Think HappyFocus on someone or something you care deeply about for anywhere from 15 seconds to 5 minutes. Or picture a scene from a peaceful vacation. A phrase that makes you feel positive about yourself and the world can also work.

5. Hit The Road
Get up from your desk, the couch - wherever you may be - and take a 10 minute walk.

6. Breathe EasyFor 5 minutes, slow your breathing down to about 6 deep-belly breaths a minute. In other words, inhale for about 5 seconds, exhale for about 5.

7. Rise Relaxed
Right before bed, and after the alarm goes off in the morning, take 5 minutes to relax your entire body. Start by tensing your toes; consciously relax them. Move on to the muscles in your feet, and then your calves, upper legs, move upwards until you end by scrunching up and then relaxing the muscles in your face . . .

Socrates ...

Be sure to read all the way to the end..... it's worth!

Next time someone starts to spread gossip, think of this:

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test.It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued.

"You may still pass the test though,because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful,why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

p.s. It also explains why he never found out that Plato (his student) was having an affair with his wife. :):)