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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws


CREATION

A man said t o his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!



THIS FOR SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !

What Makes Men and Women Happy

What a man should do to keep his wife happy:

1. Make her dinner.
2. Take her out.
3. Send her chocolate and roses for no reason.
4. Tell her how much he loves her.
5. Help around the house.
6. Spend money for no reason except that he loves her.

What a Woman should do to keep him happy:
1. Show up naked.
2. Bring food.

Unusual Funeral :):)

A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a
most unusual funeral procession A funeral coffin was followed by a
second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a
solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with
the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to
disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you
walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
What happened to her?" ! The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife
When the dog attacked and killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men
Then the first one asks in excitement " Can I borrow the dog ?
The man replied ......... " Join the queue " !!!!!

Reasons why you should not visit a 5* Hotel ?

GOOD ONE :)

Question : "What would you like to have Sir?..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,Chocolate, Milo, or coffee?"
Answer: "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.">>
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst

Women Vs Men / Apples Vs Wine

(This is for all my female friends out there and……...for the male friends who have good sense of humor...this is funny but true…)

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because .........they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy............ The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and ....... it's up to women to stomp the hell out of them until they turn ....... into something acceptable to have dinner with.

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